Circles of Life
Do you sometimes find it hard to understand your children and their reactions?. Take a closer look at this situation. Is it because either you, the parent, or the children are going through a “bumpy” phase?. Is there mounting tension on both sides?. Is this factor preventing you, the parents, to communicate with and ‘get through’ your child?. Are there preconceptions or even prejudgements on your side such as, she/he is provoking or annoying me, she/he thinks of herself and wants it her own way or even, he is just too stubborn?.. What do you think is in the mind of the child?. Perhaps there are thoughts such as: my opinion doesn’t count anyway, they are old fashioned, they do not know what I am going through, they can’t understand me, they constantly pick at me, I always have to live up to their expectations…Whatever, have you picked upon the fact that there are barriers to communication on both sides?.
It is a part of human nature to project fears and expectations onto others - including our children. Thus, without consciously noticing it, we may continue the pattern of our own parents and educate our children in the same way our parents educated us. There may be convictions not to repeat perceived errors. But with age, old habits set in; habits and ways of just doing without fully being aware – of just going along and letting it happen. Thus the learnt behaviour patterns unconsciously “find their ways into our lives”, unless we consciously “dismantle” these behaviours by carefully analysing them and willingly changing them.
Has your child ever made a comment that has taken you aback and that has made you empathise with your own parents?. Is there truth in what is said?. Are you subconsciously superimposing similar unconstructive behaviour patterns as your parents?. As times change and society evolves, so do children evolve. The demands on our children to be successful in society today are different and so are the behaviour patterns for our children. So, clearly, it is reasonable for parents not to entirely duplicate or perpetuate the education models from the past. Values change and the behaviour patterns have to change accordingly.
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